I had no idea they were suffering.

Last week I shared my personal story of how I became a hairdresser, overcame alcohol abuse, and a few incredibly difficult obstacles I’ve encountered. I had more response from that post than any other blog posts I’ve written. The responses have been overwhelming, they have been heartwarming and full of kindness. The first response I received said, “I had no idea your drinking was that bad, I had no idea you were suffering.” That last line lingered with me for days.

The following week a lot of people in my life opened up about traumas or struggles they are facing, from severe debt, drug abuse, self-loathing, lost in what to do with their life, and the list goes on. These people whom I am very close with, dealing with such traumatic and stressful situations, I had no idea they were suffering.
There’s that line again, “I had no idea they were suffering”.

It seems that when we suffer, we tend to suffer alone. When I was first confronting my alcohol abuse I isolated myself for months, I didn’t tell my family how bad it was, and I removed myself from my friend circle. The reason for my isolation was because I didn’t want to be a burden on others, I was afraid of the shame and guilt, and I thought I could battle it on my own.

From my experience I don’t recommend facing your demons alone, it makes it so much more difficult. Once I started coming out of that difficult time I began opening to my friends and family, I wish I was open about it all sooner, their love and support helped me and continues to be a constant support in my sobriety. It wasn’t until this last week that I truly grasped the importance of a support system.

By sharing my story, I feel it allowed others to share their story. We all have our struggles, our pain, our trauma, all of us suffer at one point or another, but it seems like a lot of us suffer alone and in the dark and we must stop this.
By sharing our experiences with one another not only does it help our own healing process, but it helps others in their darkness or healing. Sharing our stories creates a web of interconnection and brings us closer to each other, in this world of social media and technology we can connect with each other on a global level and help each other through our stories and experiences. We have the ability and technology to reach out to help others as well as reach out right at the tips of our fingers.

In these times of uncertainty, I feel that our interconnection will get us through a lot of our dark times and help heal us. Take the time to share your experiences to those who need to hear it, but in turn, listen to those who need to tell their story; be open, compassionate, and empathic to all those around you. Even those who we may view as our enemy, as the Dalai Lama said, “Every single being, even those who are hostile to us, is just as afraid of suffering as we are, and seeks happiness in the same way we do. Every person has the same right as we do to be happy and not to suffer. So, let's take care of others wholeheartedly, of both our friends and our enemies. This is the basis for true compassion.”

Be compassionate to each other, love each other, in the end we are all in this rat race game we call life. To end this blog post I wanted to leave a list of books that have helped me in my healing process, this is for those who are going through some rough times and perhaps are not ready to reach out to a community, I hope this will be of use to some.

​Remember, to love yourself, be compassionate to others, and that you are enough,

DJH
 
The 30-Day Sobriety Solution Jack Canfield and Dave Andrews
The Four Agreements Don Miguel Ruiz
The Gifts of Imperfection Berne Brown
Conscious Living Gay Hendricks
The Bhagavad Gita Stephen Mitchell